


Hazy Confessions

by loveIace



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Emotional Vulnerability, Healthy Communication, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, also Juno is trans but it’s not A Thing, it’s feeling time ladies, starts out with a heavy makeout session but doesn’t go further
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 08:23:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16133414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveIace/pseuds/loveIace
Summary: After a moment of vulnerability, a heated night together turns into something else.





	Hazy Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> Oh man this started off as just p/wp but my own emotions and issues with intimacy took over lol

His skin burns where the rough lips and trained fingers dance across his skin, pulling the heat of his blood to the surface and blossoming it into a deep blush that reaches his very core. Unlike the burn and warmth that alcohol seeps into his body and seizes him, this fire cradles him, saps his breath out of his chest and causes his eye lashes to flutter as the kisses continue down his neck, the fingers splayed on his hips. He allows Peter to pull him down, creating more contact between the two as the man fully crowds his body, his own hands finding their way into the dark locks and holding tight. 

Juno gasps as the warm kisses suddenly turn into a quick bite at his collarbone, eliciting a satisfied groan from Peter as he continued to work at that spot. Overwhelmed with warmth and so many sensations, Juno easily spreads his legs wide as Peter nudges with his thigh, desperate for some relief in the form of contact. By now, Peter’s hands had moved from his hips to the small of his back and to the crook of Juno’s neck, his thumb sweeping lightly from his collarbone to his adam’s apple and back again. 

“Please, please touch me, touch me harder,” Juno breathed, his voice strained and high. Nureyev hadn’t even _touched_ him yet, but the warmth and goosebumps left by his delicate fingers and the wet heat of his mouth on his skin was enough to leave Juno quivering and desperate for more. His grip in the locks of hair tightened as Peter’s hand began to rub softly at his back, a soft moan of pleasure that contrasted the growing heat in his pants. 

“Shh, patience, love. I’ve got you,” Nureyev’s voice was unfairly controlled, only a slight strain to his cadence in comparison to Juno’s gasps and begging. 

The hand trailed down from his shoulder and Juno could feel it hovering above his chest, a pause in its movement. He opened his eyes, not even realizing that they had been shut, and met Peter’s bright ones. Beneath the lust and yearning, a question burned in his gaze. Juno hesitated before giving shaking his head, taking Peter’s hand into one of his own and directing it onto his stomach. 

The brief moment of heavy silence ends as Peter mouths at his stomach and tightens his grip on his back. Juno closes his eyes again and squeezes his legs around Peter’s thigh, his desperation increased tenfold as he feels Peter breathe heavily against his skin, hot and sticky breaths coming in hard, before continuing his kisses. 

The gentleness from before transformed into something more heated, more frantic. Juno welcomed the shift, welcomed the grounding feeling of rough hands and the pressure they bring, welcomed the desperation he felt in himself and the movements of Peter. 

It’s not that he doesn’t melt at the soft fingers dancing across his skin and the intimate and deep kisses from before; hell, those were enough for him to get so tightly wound and needy in the first place. It’s just Juno doesn’t know how to comprehend the tenderness behind those touches, the nudging thoughts of their deeper meaning. It’s something that he can’t allow himself to look into. It’s unknown and terrifying to him. 

This reckless race towards pleasure, the sensation of fingers digging into his skin and sharp teeth moving from his stomach and to his mouth, biting his lips and opening them into a sloppy and unholy kiss, is something Juno is familiar with and knows how to reciprocate. It’s something that he can fall back into, the overwhelming sensations blocking out the nagging thoughts within. 

Juno’s hands find themselves curled on Peter’s chest as the kiss continues. His body moves on its own accord, still grinding against Nureyev. Peter’s own hands move from their hold on Juno’s back, one sliding to first Juno’s stomach, then dancing down to his waistband, toying with the hair and skin directly beneath the elastic. His other hand snakes it’s way to the base of Juno’s head, cradling him as he breaks the kiss with a soft sigh. 

He began to be filled with realization of how soft everything is, how gently the hands cushion his head and graze across his skin feel, how slow and thorough and close it all is. The emotion building up throughout the night finally peaked as Peter gazed down on Juno, his expression so soft, so full of adoration, so full of-

He tries to push it down. He tries to ignore it, to kill it, to go back to the hedonist pleasures and heat that thickly hung in the air only seconds ago. Panic _(is it panic?)_ seizes Juno and he reaches for Peter’s face, trying to pull it back to his own. 

Peter, sensing the sudden change of pace and emotion, freezes, pulling back from Juno’s hand. His smooth and soft expression shifts into something sharper, confusion etching across his features. Juno feels the weight of his mistake crash into him and closes his eyes, no longer focused on Peter but on trying to maintain control of the burning that was rising in his chest. 

“Juno?” It’s so gentle, so full of concern, of genuine worry and fear and Juno _cant handle it_. He can’t he can’t he can’t he can’t-

The weight above him shifts as Peter moves back. Juno's eyes squeeze together tighter, trying to block out this whole mess he created, trying to fight the liquid fire threatening to spill out. He was stupid, so fucking stupid. What was his problem? Why did he have to go and ruin everything _again_? 

“ - so sorry, what do you need? Juno?” The words only just now filter into his brain, having been lost in his own panic. He takes a shaky breath and finally opens his eyes to face his mistake. 

Peter is sitting on his heels, leaned back from Juno, no longer touching him. His hands are clasped together with a slight tremble, itching with the desire to act and do something but not knowing how or what they were allowed to do. Alarm and concern radiate off of him and is magnified in his expression, but eases slightly as Juno makes eye contact. 

A laugh bubbles out of Juno and he opens his mouth to make a joke, a snarky comment about how stupid Peter looks sitting like that with his shirt half unbuttoned and lipstick smeared. Instead of something suave that could possibly break the tension, he promptly bursts into tears. 

This time, Peter does reach for Juno, his grip guiding rather than being forceful, and helps the lady into a sitting position, leaning against the wall with his knees tucked under his chin. The tears don’t stop as Peter slides next to him, guiding Juno’s head to lean against his shoulder. He murmurs gentle words that Juno can’t quite catch. They continue like this for some time, Juno sobbing and babbling apologies as Peter holds one of Juno’s hands in both of his, rubbing firm circles into his palm, grounding him. 

Eventually, the last tear had fallen and Juno was left dry and aching. The silence was only interrupted by the occasional sniffle, the patterns being rubbed into his hand continuing. Juno knew that he’d have to be the one to speak first, that Peter was waiting for instruction on how to go from here. 

The anxiety settled back in his chest, his insides churning as Juno sat there mortified at how the evening had gone. What could he even _say_ in a situation like this? 

He had to try. He couldn’t run away like last time. No, Peter didn’t deserve that. 

“Well, shit.” _Goddammit Juno, of all the things to say at a time like this and you start off like that._ “Fuck, that’s not what I meant to say, shit,” 

Juno groaned and pulled himself from Peter, burying his face into his hands. Next to him, a low chuckle escaped from Peter, who placed a hand on his knee. 

“I think that summarizes things pretty well, actually,” Peter’s voice was light and playful, but an underlying tone of worry bit into his words, making them more cautious and controlled. 

“I really fucked this up, huh?” Juno tightened his grip on his face. “I’m sorry.”

“I haven’t the slightest idea of what you mean,” Peter moved his hand to Juno’s shoulder. “That being said, I still think we need to talk about what happened,” 

Juno, stubborn, deflecting, avoidant Juno, agreed. In all his years up until then, he’d never allowed himself to have such vulnerability, to look at his actions and emotions with another and take them apart, inspect the meaning behind them thoroughly. But things were different now. Juno was different. And it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t any easier in the past, and sure as hell wasn’t easy now, even with Peter to guide him through it. Maybe it’ll never be easy. But Juno had the strength to push through, to do what needed to be done even when every instinct told him to bolt. 

So they talked. Peter, ever the gentlemen, left for a moment to get some water for Juno, before they both got dressed to only their boxers and undershirts and went under the sheets, curled up together. Juno’s face pressed into Peter’s chest and their legs were intertwined as Peter ran his hand gently down Juno’s back. 

Juno talked about his fears. About how intimacy is difficult, about how even though he cares so much for Peter, he’s still terrified to be loved and to be treated so kindly. He talked about he doesn’t feel he deserves it, how he feels he only deserves to be used and discarded because in what world was he worth anything more? 

Peter didn’t interrupt as he spoke, even in moments when what he was saying trailed off as Juno struggled to find the right words, _any_ words, to comprehend his thoughts and emotions. He let him speak, let him give shape to the fears that only existed as abstract thoughts until now. 

Juno also talked about Peter. How sorry he was for everything, even though he had apologized countless times before. How he values and cares for him so much. He gave thanks to him for everything, for being patient and understanding when Juno could barely get out of bed, for holding him accountable when Juno crossed a line, for giving Juno control in his life to go at the pace he needed. 

The shirt pressed against his face became blotted with tears as Juno held on tight and Peter did the same. They continued to flow heavily as Juno talked about how he feels so much for Peter and how it’s terrifying and amazing at the same time, and how much he craves it even though it can be overwhelming. How even though he still doesn’t know what it means or how to handle it, he loves him and doesn’t want that to change. 

Above him, Peter rests his chin on Juno’s head, a watery sniffle escaping him. Juno’s own tears turn into a small laugh as he takes in the utter ridiculousness of this evening, of how they went from about to fuck to Juno confessing his love while crying in his arms. Peter also gives a watery laugh, the vibrations in his chest comforting Juno as the two laid there, processing what the evening had brought. 

“I love you, too, Juno,” Nureyev’s voice is low and rough around the edges with emotion. “And I think you’ve known that for awhile now,”

And he has. Juno has known this long before the tenderness of tonight. He’s known it to be true with every goofy message sent to his comm while working, with each forehead kiss to great the morning light, with the way Peter always needs to touch some part of Juno even when they’re sitting on a couch doing their own thing. He’s known it to be true with all of their reunions, from when he came back to Miasma’s lair for him to when Juno went out to find _him_ after months of separation. 

“And I’ve known it for some time, too,” Peter continues, tracing his finger in swirls at the space between Juno’s shoulder blades. “Knowing and understanding are two different things, and we will both reach rough moments when the latter can hurt. But just know, I love all parts of you. I love you even when you’re stubborn or annoyed or scared, and I’ll remind you as often as I need to.” 

Juno hummed in response, knowing that even without words, Nureyev understood that he understood. By now, the toll that all the crying and the emotional rollercoaster he had been on was catching up with him. Juno felt the tiredness settle in his bones, and he felt his body melt closer to Peter and the mattress. 

“ ‘m sorry we didn’t fuck,” Juno mumbled into his chest. He was rewarded with another rumble as Peter laughed. 

“I’d prefer this over that any day,” There was a pause as Peter thought. Juno craned his neck to look up at Peter as he continued. “Well, minus the crying. I meant the cuddling-and-talking part.”

Juno rolled his eyes and went back to resting his forehead against Peter’s chest. His deep, slow breaths, along with the feel of his fingers tracing shapes down his spine, lulled Juno into a warm and safe sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m uhh still figuring out writing fics and writing the characters in a way that actually feels like them so I apologize that they seem stiff and ooc at times aaa I just have a lot of emotions and projecting them onto Juno and giving him the love and comfort he deserves is the 2018 mood ok


End file.
